A Silly Worm

 

It has been adrenaline-filled days of anticipation, self-defense, challenges, relentless determination and breakthroughs.

For too long, I have felt like a worm burrowed deep in the after-rain mud. Trapped in my own tiny sphere of bubble, too introverted to face the bustling world above. Being out in the open, even for a while, means having the possibility of getting stomped and crushed.

Until recently, I decided it is perhaps time to screw myself up. Literally. I could feel the resistance of gravity anchoring me down. But this time, it can't bring me down anymore. I'm determined to break free. And I will. :)

~~~

Last night was almost another ordinary night, lying on the bed, in my best effort to shield off spontaneous arrows of thoughts shot in random directions all over my cranium. I swear my mind has a mind of its own.

To entertain myself while my mind was doing its own stunts, I turned on my iPod and put this song on a repeat mode.  It's my favourite Chinese worship song and it touches the soft spot in my heart all the time.

However, last night, a phrase in that song hit me really hard and pierced through that soft spot right into my heart.

"主耶穌今天我為你活" - Jesus, I'm living for You today.

This is a very common sentence, people talk and sing about it all the time. Honestly, it was only until last night that it had finally made sense to me.

*Censored a large chunk of words and saved them in draft instead*

The moment I heard it, I was brought back to that fateful day, a few months back, when I had wished I was dead... It was scary because it had felt so real.

I could not stopped crying the moment I finally understood that sentence last night. A reminder to myself, in times when it seems like I have nothing I want to live for, I can still live for God. Funny how God teaches.

~~~

Anyway today! I finally had my first piano recital, to an audience of 20-odd fellow schoolmates at NUH. That was the most courageous thing I've done with the piano to date. It was almost crazy. :)

And this is how a nurse would say it -

I BLOODY DID IT.

 

:D

 

Whine and Die

 

Just had a crazy idea to pack up and leave this place.
There does not seem to have a good reason to stay.
For one, I don't like the air I'm breathing.
And then, the sight I'm seeing.

In all honesty
I wish I'd vapourise
Fast and dry
Like alcohol on hot skin

The need to run away is too compelling. 
It is also, ironically, my motivating factor for work.
And yet,  ironically, again; having financial freedom also means concurrently being under bondage.

How is it like living each day having someone breath down your neck? Or feeling like a broken doll which needs fixing by every erm. well-intended person...? Or being pushed around by people who crave for that pseudo sense of superiority?

Yea... If it makes you happy.

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P.S: Now, don't get too serious about my title, it is just my badbad. attempt to rhyme the 'whine'. Oh yay it rhymes again. =P

Piano.O

 

Hot or not? :D

 

What happened was... I became bored recently of playing the same pieces all the time. So I was casually browsing through my scores on my messy piano top. Lo and behold, this piece, which has been lying there for a really looong time, stood out like a... Veggie stuck in the teeth. :D

Out of curiosity, I took it out and played. It made a fun sight-reading piece since the left hand accompaniment is basically similar throughout. But playing it in time is, of course, another story. >.< Nonetheless! It got me quite addicted. Major source of entertainment now that I'm on a 2-day MC.

(Thanks Yang for giving me this score a few years back... Now you know I haven't exactly touched it since... =x Hehe.)

This means neglecting the rest of my more crucial pieces.... Which is bad in view of my upcoming mini piano recital. Anyway... Yes... I'll be performing 3 of my Grade 8 exam pieces + one other. Trust me to do random things like that. :D

The only reason is because I screwed up my previous exam in August mainly due to nervousness (+ a thousand excuses). Thus, I reckon a pre-exam performance would do me much good, of which I otherwise would not even have the audacity to suggest. Hesitating whether or not I should tell my teacher... Lest she becomes frantic and freaks out. Or something like that.

It would be my first piano solo kind of solo. So alone and stranded. >.<  Better buck up. :(

 

 

He took his last breath
A sigh of  relief
A garner of all his strength
To expel that reluctant spirit

He was finally freed from all earthly woes
Cuffs were loosen
Shackles broken
No longer a captive of the world

Shrouded in white
Relishing in the sweetest slumber
Years had he waited
For a moment such as this

He had toiled hard
He had had enough
Death was his reward
Cry for him not

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Me ish too lazy to think of a title.

 

iMisses

 

I miss

practices.
church.
life.
me.

Surprise~, my entire life is now revolved around work.
It is perhaps more than what I bargained for.

I hope it is worth the sacrifice at the end of the day.